For the last ten years I have been fascinated with fear. No, really. Sure, most of the time it causes problems, is uncomfortable, and I can't wait till it passes. But really, is that all it is? Just a negative by-product of the lives we've vacuum-formed into? Mark Twight mentioned something in his Book, "Extreme Alpinism" that struck me. Fear (paraphrasing here) should be used for a positive purpose, instead of paralysing a person, they should point their energy "up" the mountain and use it to give them the strength to move.
Today did not start right. Mike and I drove out to the Bow Valley at 0600 hours expecting to climb some early season ice, but when we arrived, it was gone. Then we decided to climb some semi-trad routes at Kid Goat Bluff. Once again, that did not start right. a decision to scramble directly up to the base of our intended route caused a slightly precarious situation. Moving on to the low angle slab of rock, every step had to be sure or result in a short tumble leading into rag-dolling 500 feet down the 70 degree face.
Now here is the fear part. Generally I am comfortable moving in the mountains, as well as the vertical world, but today was different. I found myself making every sketchy step with a steadily ratcheting thought in my mind, "Do I Freak-Out Here Or Just Move On"? Strangely enough, it became nothing more than a choice, a choice that eventually lead my body to move to the next step in the equation. No perception of time, or daily stress of the plastic wrapper we live in, just click-click-move, click-click-move. The fear is there but I have stolen it's energy before it steals mine.
Maybe it can't always be this way, but at this point, I am not so sure fear is a bad thing.
